A New Way To Start
*this was part of the wild card and I didn't mean to make this sad it was just a rant about how I feel on a day to day basis

Okay I am not exactly sure how to start this but I guess ill start venting to my best of ability. I don't do this often, I don't tell people about my life or my problems but I guess here goes nothing.
Im not going to lie I honestly struggle in school, not because I don't understand because if I'm being honest I think I am pretty smart when I put my mind to it but as of lately, since I lost my dad I feel like I am incapable of doing anything anymore. I feel unworthy of everyone and every thing. I don't really understand why this had to happen.
I dont understand, as a matter of fact its one of my greatest fears but when I lost when my dad I wasn't as scared because I knew that wherever he went I wanted to go. Some days I miss him like crazy and others I pass the days without even giving him a thought, is that bad? Is what is happening to me bad? because everyone tells me its grief but I feel like if they knew what was happening they wouldn't make me do all of this.
There are days where I don't even want to participate in life and I just wanna lay in bed and sleep for the rest of eternity. I guess I could understand where they are coming from when they want me to come out of my room and participate in life but nothing feels the same without him anymore and its just a constant emptiness.